Oh, hey. A post with words that aren’t preceded by dry or liquid measurements. How’s that for an idea. I’ve been in a funk, Dear Reader. Changes are coming my way and I do not like it one bit. I’ve been struggling with whether to write about them here. It is still probably not the best idea, but I’ve preserved my identity well enough that I think it is probably ok.* And I sort of need the catharsis of writing, you know?
I’m losing my job. For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you know that I’ve been fearing this day for a while. I’m a good employee. A great employee, actually. And a damn fine lawyer, if I do say so myself. But the economy. She blows. And I’m at a place in my career where you either stay and get on the partnership track or make a move to go elsewhere. And, honestly, if the economy was booming, I’d probably be making this decision on my own in the next year or so. But for it to be forced upon me at this junction, in these times, is very, very hard. I’m struggling.
So change is coming. In September I will join the ranks of tens of thousands of unemployed lawyers in New York City. Victims of the Crash of 2009. But more than that, September will be the first time since the sixth grade that I’m not making money on my own. It’s difficult because I want to contribute to my household. I want my education and my hard work to COUNT for something. I want to contribute to society. And I am still up to my freaking eyeballs in debt, thank you very much. I want to enjoy the life that I’ve worked so.freaking.hard to build, for so many years. I was just getting to a place in life where things were starting to come together. And now it is being taken away, hopefully only temporarily.
I’m not angry. I’m sad. I truly enjoy working with my colleagues and everyone at my current firm. I’m absolutely devastated at the thought of saying goodbye. I’ve cried more times than I can count. I even called a partner in another office today and couldn’t keep my shit together long enough to have the conversation — that I wrote out before hand to keep myself on point!!! He was so very nice, of course, to my sniveling self on the other line.
I hear from people all the time that things will work out for the best. That a new, better opportunity is just around the corner. I know. I believe it — or at least want to believe it. But it is still so incredibly hard. Even though I knew, deep down, that this was going to happen (I’ve had an inkling for a few months), it still hurts. Like pulling off a band-aid. You know it’s coming, but the pain is still there.
As you can probably tell, I have found some relief in the kitchen lately. I find cooking very relaxing. Please bear with me as you will likely see an onslaught of recipes in the near future. I also want to thank you all for reading and commenting. It brings me so much joy to be a part of such a wonderful blogging community.
* Except from those of you I’ve stupidly sent an email from my personal account. Or from those I’ve added to my Facebook account because I’m smitten by in love with stalking friends with you. Hmmm. Yeah, anonymizzle fo shizzle.
Yeah, I sort of edited this a bit from the first time I posted. You’re not going crazy, I am. Ha.
